Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize