I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize