yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize