I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
