So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
