I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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