Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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