she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
