Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
