If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
