He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
