she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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