I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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