Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
