i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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