no, he came in my armpit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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