i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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