i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
