Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize