She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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