An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
