I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
