dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a beard to bite.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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