May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
