You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
