I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
