Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
