I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well most of my day revolves around power hour
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
