mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
