Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
