see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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