There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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