every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
