I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
