he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
