Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize