ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
