Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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