I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have already put on my inside pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
