u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
