Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
