so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize
