WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize