I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
