Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
worst night to have a conscience
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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