i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
