Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
