I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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