he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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