I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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