i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
