please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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