Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
