Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize