Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
