I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
