You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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