I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
