you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
