If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
