I feel great
I just peed on a car
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
