Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
