I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
