just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
