He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
