Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
