I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He better not be in your backpack
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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