Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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