I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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