jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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