You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
