I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
