I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
