What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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