you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The uberlube is also flammable
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
