tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
