i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
