i already hear my dad disowning me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
