When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
