If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
