can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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