She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
