Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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