Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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