you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
