I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
