God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize