you traded sex for a burrito?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
