I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Shame - the story of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
