I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
