You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
