I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
